I am but a human standing in the land of giants.

A mere mortal in the realm of gods.

A humble being in the midst of the greats of our time.

The sense of inadequacy has always been very strong in me. Everywhere I go, to the left and right of me are the musical, the graceful, the brilliant, the eloquent, the rich, the beautiful, the successful. And then there’s me. Even in the midst of all I have been given, it’s so easy to feel like I’m the tone-deaf, I’m the awkward, I’m the dimwitted, I’m the tongue-tied, I’m the poor, I’m the ugly, I’m the failure.

My worth is not in my talents, my looks, or my status in this world. My identity is rooted in my place as the Almighty God of the universe’s beloved and chosen one. I know that, my mind tells me. I know that I am not worthless, because He has given me worth. And yet, I still go over this cycle of feeling worthless and being reassured over and over again.

I live in a world where I am constantly told by the Evil One that who I am is not good enough. He batters me with these words and comparisons until I’m filled with self-hatred and guilt. And the hardest part of it all, is that it’s true. I AM not good enough. But freedom doesn’t, indeed it cannot, come from self-improvement, from striving. It will never be enough. Freedom comes from admitting that I can’t, and believing that He can.

I am so in need of His grace. A double dose. Repeatedly as I continuously fall back into the same old habits of toiling for worth, comparing myself, and trying to lean on my own efforts. And in the midst of this weary process, is a peace that comes from His sovereignty over my life, and a hope of the day when I will be all that I was created to be.

A reminder from before:

“Your needs and My riches are a perfect fit. I never meant for you to be self-sufficient. Instead, I designed you to need Me not only for daily bread but for fulfillment of deep yearnings. I carefully crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness to point you to Me. Therefore, do not try to bury or deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power.

Come to Me in all your neediness, with defenses down and with desire to be blessed. As you spend time in My Presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled. Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling).”

2 Corinthians 4:7-11

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.

Amen.”

-Francis of Assisi

Satan told me these words today:

On this earth, you will never. ever. be known. You will never. ever. be understood.

You are not worth anyone’s time.

No one loves you.

The people who you love the most will break their promises and hurt you.

You can’t trust anyone.

You are totally alone.

Your love is so lacking.

Your best efforts are not enough.

You lead those you love away from Jesus.

You are disappointing.

There’s no hope for you.

Burdened by the weight of these words that hit home and cut deep to my heart this week, I felt so helpless. My soul was so weary as these words played themselves over and over in my head.

A lot of what Satan told me was true. Or at least it stemmed from truths that were then twisted into lies. And that’s what made it even more paralyzing.

And so I cried out to my Father in heaven.

And Jesus told me these words:

You will never be known on this earth. But I know you. Indeed, I have known you and understood you completely and intimately.

You are not worth anyone’s time or love, but despite that, I choose you. I choose to love you and be with you. You were worth every single moment that I spent on this earth and in fact, I came so that I could bring you back home to be with me.

People will break your heart with their words and their actions. They broke mine too. But I want you to follow after me in loving them and desiring their good.

I know you still make mistakes. I know that your soul is still chained to its sinful nature at times. My beloved daughter, do not lose heart, and keep your eyes on mine as you journey through this life.

Trust me. And in Me you will find that I am breathing life into the hearts of those around, even as I am slowly transforming your heart to be in my likeness. Trust that in me, I bring unity to My people as they look forward to the hope that I give.

I love you. I love you. Well done, my daughter. I’m proud of you.

Thank you, Abba Father.

-G

Psalm 42:11

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.

It was my third year in college, and we were assigned the task of translating an original, ancient Chinese text. No big deal, except for the fact that the block of characters in front of me did not have a single mark of punctuation on it.

No punctuation, you say?

Well, before paper was invented in China, history was recorded on other mediums – bamboo, wood, stone, and even bones or shells. Now, you can probably imagine how time consuming it would have been to have to carve out every single character on these less-than-ideal surfaces. And so what did they do? They had to save time and energy, so the meaning of each character was maximized, and the idea of punctuation was too luxurious to even contemplate.

So what happened to the assignment? Well, it was quite the mess. First there are the pitiful attempts to delineate separate thoughts. Then, there is the futile toil of trying to distinguish whether a word is being used as a noun, a preposition, a possessive, or whatever other part of speech exists in the world.

The assignment was tough to say the least. I would even venture to say it was impossible, because even renowned scholars to this day debate about the intended meaning of these essentially enigmatic masses of text.

So why am I telling you this?

In the current times, we have lost sight of the purpose of grammar and punctuation. We take them for granted because they are so easily accessible. We grumble our way through grammar lessons and learn them sloppily. Or even worse, we study them religiously and then force them down our victims’ throats as legalistic imperatives, created to be followed just so they are followed.

Grammar and punctuation were created to bring clarity to thoughts. To prevent misunderstandings and connect the people who use them.

So yes, there are ways to use these tools correctly. Uniformity is a crucial aspect to clear communication. And yet, at the same time, I hope that you will sometimes add a comma, in an unconventional place, if indeed that is what you need. Sometimes, i  hope you don’t capitalize your i’s, if a lowercase one better conveys how you feel. Sometimes, I hope you end your sentences before they’re completely formed. Just sometimes.

May we be people who use grammar as a resource to help us say what we want to say, rather than people who view it as an obstacle to expressing our thoughts.

-G

Starting disclaimer: I am not a huge fan of Donald Trump. To the point where it is uncomfortable and surreal to put his name and the word “president” in the same sentence.

That being said, having had a chance to process the proceedings of last week, I can confidently say that there has been a lot of good coming out of his election. I know, crazy right? But hear me out.

My thoughts:

1. The President in a democracy represents the people who have elected him.

This is a hard one to swallow, but before we hate on Trump, everyone needs to face a humbling fact. A man like Trump didn’t magically get up top; he got there because he, in all his racist and sexist ways, reflects the average American (and maybe just about every other one), who discriminates against other people whether it’s based on race or gender or something else.

And I’m not pointing fingers at just the KKK or the neo-Nazis. I’m pointing at you, and I’m pointing at myself. It’s super hard for me to admit this, but yes, I do stereotype and judge people based on their appearance. And that is discrimination in its core. And I don’t want do it, but I do. And the first way to change this is to admit that it’s an issue. So I confess, here and now, that I am myself a racist and sexist. One who one day hopes to not be one, but is one all the same.

That is not to say that it is okay for Trump to continue acting or speaking as he does – it is certainly NOT okay. But now that this problem is put out into the open (even if people are not yet repentant of the fact), and people are more blatant in their discrimination, it’s also much easier to address the problem head-on, so much more so than when core problems are hidden under an agenda of false equality. And it’s going to be super messy, as it usually does when the dirty laundry comes out from under the carpet, but with infinitely more potential to be cleaned. I look forward to that change.

2. The President in a democracy is NOT a dictator.

If we were in, say, North Korea, I would be infinitely more worried about having Trump as president. Not that I am completely relieved, as there are certain privileges that he has that I’m not super comfortable with. But because we are in the USA, I am definitely more comfortable, and indeed, more happy because the result of this election has pushed the general population to live out the true meaning of a democracy.

I worked as an election officer during the election (awesome experience, I totally recommend!), and during this time, I got to spend the whole day talking to my fellow officers, who were all 50+ (give or take a few decades). Coming from an immigrant family with essentially no friends whose roots in America lead back to more than a quarter of a century, it was so eye opening to communicate with people of a totally different background. Of many other things, what stuck out to me was all of these people’s awareness and knowledge of history and politics. They were extremely involved in the welfare of the nation and its policies (one had shaken hands with Eisenhower – whatttt?). Excuse me, but where can we find these people in our generation? It’s sadly few and far between, and I join the masses of the ignorant, passive, and indifferent.

But throughout this election, I have seen people who have never before cared become active in keeping up with the news and speak out their opinions. I see young adults voting for the first time because this is something that matters!! The President is powerful, but he’s not following his own agenda. He should be representing the public, and in order to do that, the public needs to have an opinion. And I’m seeing that come out of people for the first time in a long while.

Also to be mentioned is the tension within the Republican party. Who knows, this could be the schism of the century, but there are a lot of positives coming out of it, because it’s redefining what a political party represents. It’s no longer about supporting something because the group you’re in supports it. It’s about breaking out of pre-existing shells in order to really understand and fight for what you believe in. So you can be a Republican who believes that climate change is a crucial, legitimate issue (one can hope, right?). This is good!

3. Last and most importantly of all, God chose Donald Trump to be president.

Handpicked, I might add.

It’s man’s arrogance to think that one human being, least of all a SINGLE one, can make this world a better place. We are sinners and despite His grace and mercy allowing good to touch our world, we are naturally motivated by selfishness, pride, and a ton of other ugly things. So when it comes to trusting someone to lead this nation, I didn’t want to choose Clinton just because she was a lesser evil. I want to choose righteousness, holiness, and perfection, and that is found in God alone. And He chose Trump. For reasons that I do not yet understand, and in all honesty, that I question. But of one thing I am fully convinced – everything God has done, does, and will do is in His perfect plan. That when it’s all said and done, it could not have been better any other way. I can say this is true in EVERY single situation in my life thus far, and surely it is true in this situation.

So, after all of that thinking, what’s next? Even as I look forward to the hope of returning to my true home in heaven one day, God calls me to respect Trump as the authority He has given to me on this earth. And I am challenged in the following ways:

1. Continuously be sanctified and grow in love for people of other races, backgrounds, and genders.
2. Be in constant prayer for this nation and for wisdom for Donald Trump as he leads this nation.
3. Be aware of the issues that are going on around the nation, and be willing to speak up when the president or someone else does something that I am convinced is not pleasing to the Lord and is detrimental to this nation (John Piper, such a great example of this!).

As we move forward as a nation, we will face a lot of strife and problems, but throughout all of this, God is control, and He is working for His glory and our good!

-G

Exodus 15:18

The Lord reigns for ever and ever.

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”

-L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

So what’s the story?

It’s been a long time in coming together. I guess you could say that it all began in junior year, in the wonderful place called AP US History class.  We came to the place in time when the grassroots movement was birthed, and I was so taken by the idea.

Grassroots movement – the idea that ideas come from the individual, spreading from one person to the other, and changing the world from the bottom up – is such a foreign concept in a world where we’re all fighting for the power to force ideas down everyone else’s throats. But it expresses my own belief that some of the greatest impacts we can make are through sharing our lives with those around us, from one person to another.

But if it’s just my heart, it’s not enough for this world. Because whether I intend to or not, there is so much selfishness and pride in my heart that all my best attempts to make a better world can only go awry. It is only when my heart is rooted on the solid rock that is Jesus, allowing His grace and love to be the foundation of all I say, think, and do, that lives are healed and people are made whole.

Put it together, and there you have it – grace roots movement.

But apparently I’m not the only human in this world who has thought of this ingenious idea. Alas, it’s unfortunate, but even so, I am so excited to share this journey with you!

-G