Jonathan Mark Foreman.

Oh my.

Although it brings back good memories, I don’t particularly love Switchfoot’s music. So every time I go to one of their concerts (this is the second time), I really don’t expect much out of it.

And every time, I am blown away by Jon Foreman’s passion for music, his desire to build up the Kingdom through his giftings, and his ability to share his heart with others.

So the purpose of this concert was to watch a short film they made about Jon Foreman’s dream – “25 in 24”. It talks about how he loves music so much that even having a full-time job playing music doesn’t give him enough venue to share all the music he has inside of him. Cue the idea of a whole day of concerts spread throughout his beloved city in places that hold key memories, with the important people of his life, challenging human limits, and connecting with people through music.

It really struck me that the purpose of Jon Foreman’s music was really about expressing his own heart, conversing with God, and building up community around him. And this is new in some ways, because in the environment around me, music wasn’t really about passion. It was about discipline, superiority, and meeting a certain skill standard. That’s not always a bad thing, but in my own life, I realize that has made me feel inferior and unwilling to fail, which in turn makes me unwilling to try new things and grow.

And that hasn’t just been in the area of music. I feel this way about almost everything that I do, be it planning an event, leading a group, taking pictures, drawing, cooking, singing, etc. It’s the reason I feel a deep-seated anxiety about a lot of things I pursue. Because if I don’t meet a certain standard, my efforts have no worth, and I bring nothing to the table.

But with the realization of this fear, I suddenly find that God has gifted me in a multitude of ways, and fear of failure is the only thing keeping me from using these talents to bless and build up those around me. And it is in fact through the failings that I can improve and bless in larger ways each new time.

So that being said, I begin the journey to cast fear out of my life, and use that which God has blessed me with to encourage, to grow, and to create.

Thank you, Abba Father.

-G

Sometimes when you’re just taking each day, each moment, at a time, the mundane and rote can make the most dynamic of lives seem dull and unchanging. hitting the first year anniversary of full-time work, i’m realizing if i don’t stop to take some time to look at the bigger picture, i lose wonder and life really feels like a grind.

2017 deserves more credit than what i give to it.

i got to travel the world with sister in tow and show her some of my favorite cities in the world.

i was able to find worth in myself, enough to know that it was time to leave a work space that i loved, but where i was not respected. And have enough courage to leave with no future prospects.

i watched as God provided full-time work less than one week after i left my work, when i had had no breakthroughs in the past six months of job searching.

i experienced constant affirmation in my work, through my work reviews, encouragement from my bosses, and even random encounters with coworkers i had had nothing more than a few email exchanges with. in a time when i needed it because i could only see my failings and lacking aspects. all the while having the opportunity to work in a super chill environment and getting to do A LOT of reading at work.

speaking of which, i finished reading the entire Anne of Green Gables series, Chronicles of Narnia set, and Lord of the Rings trilogy, all for the first time. And all at work.

i learned about work relationships, and what it means to love people with Christ’s love in an environment where you’re there to keep things running and people intentionally distance themselves from other people. It’s a work in progress.

i realized i had been desiring romance and marriage for so long, but didn’t even know to what purpose. Time to step back, continue learning to love myself, and explore the concept of marriage, as a reflection of Christ and His Church.

i met so many new people, and some journey in life together friends, and already, we’ve walked through moments of joy, sorrow, stress, confrontation, tension, and growth together.

i made the scary decision to move out in order to push myself to financial independence and learn how to take care of myself.

i picked up a past regret, started playing volleyball again, and fell again in love with this wonderful sport and the lovely people i have been able to meet through this shared activity.

i decided to become a deacon at church to serve in the intergenerational ministry, which is something that has been near and dear to my heart, but i had been scared to invest time in due to previous disappointment.

God has been gracious and overflowing in blessings and growing me every step of last year.

thank You.