I am but a human standing in the land of giants.

A mere mortal in the realm of gods.

A humble being in the midst of the greats of our time.

The sense of inadequacy has always been very strong in me. Everywhere I go, to the left and right of me are the musical, the graceful, the brilliant, the eloquent, the rich, the beautiful, the successful. And then there’s me. Even in the midst of all I have been given, it’s so easy to feel like I’m the tone-deaf, I’m the awkward, I’m the dimwitted, I’m the tongue-tied, I’m the poor, I’m the ugly, I’m the failure.

My worth is not in my talents, my looks, or my status in this world. My identity is rooted in my place as the Almighty God of the universe’s beloved and chosen one. I know that, my mind tells me. I know that I am not worthless, because He has given me worth. And yet, I still go over this cycle of feeling worthless and being reassured over and over again.

I live in a world where I am constantly told by the Evil One that who I am is not good enough. He batters me with these words and comparisons until I’m filled with self-hatred and guilt. And the hardest part of it all, is that it’s true. I AM not good enough. But freedom doesn’t, indeed it cannot, come from self-improvement, from striving. It will never be enough. Freedom comes from admitting that I can’t, and believing that He can.

I am so in need of His grace. A double dose. Repeatedly as I continuously fall back into the same old habits of toiling for worth, comparing myself, and trying to lean on my own efforts. And in the midst of this weary process, is a peace that comes from His sovereignty over my life, and a hope of the day when I will be all that I was created to be.

A reminder from before:

“Your needs and My riches are a perfect fit. I never meant for you to be self-sufficient. Instead, I designed you to need Me not only for daily bread but for fulfillment of deep yearnings. I carefully crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness to point you to Me. Therefore, do not try to bury or deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power.

Come to Me in all your neediness, with defenses down and with desire to be blessed. As you spend time in My Presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled. Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me (Sarah Young, Jesus Calling).”

2 Corinthians 4:7-11

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be manifested in our mortal flesh.